3 Months

Goal obtained

Back in the 120s again! Just barely, but who the hell cares. I actually stopped working out so much and ate more the past week because I think my supply was beginning to drop off from losing weight too quickly. I was met with a very nice suprise on the scale and my milk supply has been better the past couple days. I feel so much better and my pants are feeling better too. Id still like to drop a couple more pounds and keep working out, but it can wait until we are back from Florida. HOpefully I wont gain when we are there, but itll be warm so I can atleast walk everyday with the baby.

By the way, have I mentioned Bristol is three months old today!! I cant believe it.
Which also reminds me, I have made it to my first goal to exclusively breastfeed for three months! I cant begin to express how much harder it has been than I anticipated and I did think it was going to be very hard. But Im happy to say nothing has passed her lips except pure healthy breastmilk. My next goal is to make it to 6 months and my ultimate goal is to make it to one year so that she never has to have any formula. But we will take it one step at a time.

Shhh she's asleep....

Ill try to type quietly, Bristol just passed out in her bouncer. Have I mentioned I am the queen of multi-tasking? I have conquered the art of typing on my computer, with one leg outstretched bouncing her bouncey, while eating a snack & talking on my phone. Yes my muscles hurt from being pulled in each direction....

Anyways -- my fatty update. I lost 2 more lbs last week (week 3), so total Im down 5 lbs & 3 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. I just want to lose 2 more pounds before I go to Florida in two weeks & I will be happy! I NEED to weigh in the 120s! Im working out about 6 days a week & I really cut back on my calories. Although Im getting a little nervous about not eating enough to keep my supply up so Im goin to watch that.

Have I mentioned that there is nothing more precious in the whole wide world than a sleeping baby?? If only I had the time to have her nap in my arms everyday. You cant help from smiling when you see something so peaceful.

I have to leave my baby....

So Bristol is 11 weeks old this week. Time sure does fly. I started working again the beginning of this month. Its been an adjustment and probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Caring for a baby is a full time, nonstop, 24 hr/day job add into that doing the laundry, cooking meals & trying to keep your house clean is another monumental task. Then add in working a full time job from home plus continuing to help Ryan with ASAP and doing all billing, invoicing, & payables -- I dont have a free second in 24 hrs. Im constantly running & working from the second I wake up and when Im done Im passed out on my pillow in about 2 seconds flat. Im soo thankful that I have a job though - even if it's a pay cut from my drug rep days - I get to stay home and be with my baby. It's definately tough - especially when I have a whole bunch of conference calls and a screaming baby in the background. Yesterday I had 1 conference call that took forever. We started a little late and I had Bristol down for her nap in her swing. Well she woke up about 10 min into the call, so I had to go get her. Of course it was a conference call/webiner so I needed to be in front of my computer for the call. So I rush back to my computer and have to nurse her in my chair while be on the call & computer. Of course she finishes just before the call is going to be over & starts crying because she really needed to burp. Finally muted the call & then got off & was able to burp her. Of course my phone rings 10 seconds later & its one of the guys I work with. He's laughing cause he said he could hear my baby crying at the end! I always get called out! Thankfully, Bristol is usually pretty good and she plays a lot in her bumbo or on her play gym next to my desk. She spends a lot of time on my lap while I am on my computer too. Luckily my boss that I report to is out in Colorado - so with the time change I can finish my calls with him after 5 pm my time when Ryan is home & can take the baby if she is being fussy.
So wait -- back to my original point I have to LEAVE my baby! Basically I can count on one hand how many times I have left Bristol in the past 11 weeks and its never been for more than an hour or two. Well, I need to go to a business meeting next month for two days. It's when we were supposed to be in Florida for vacation anyways, so Ryan will have Jeanne as backup. But Im still freaking out. Im not freaking out that she won't be cared for, because I know Ryan is a great dad and Jeanne is great with babies too. Im just freaked out that I will be away from her & then I start worrying about her refusing a bottle of milk or my milk supply getting messed up and a million other things.... Ill be gone for two nights & luckily I have a huge stash of frozen breast milk so she shoud be okay there. Yes, I will point out that my baby has never had a sip of formula & Im very proud of that & hope it continues that way! I will pump while I am away from her & just freeze the milk til I get back home again. Its going to be soo strange not having a baby attached to me at all times. Since Bristol has only taken like 5 bottles of pumped milk her whole life, Im trying to get her more used to them over the next couple weeks. Hopefully, itll all work out.
And yes, I cried hysterically when I booked my flight for the meeting....

Can we talk about my boobs ?

So Im officially under (just barely!) my pre-pregnancy weight. Im starting to fit into more jeans, but the whole top situation is still out of control. I have been living in nursing tanks with hoodies & tshirts. When I try to put on a normal shirt, we have two huge problems. My boobs. Size small shirts apparently do NOT work with size F cup boobs. I either look like a huge whore or I cant even get the shirt over my boobs. Its ridiculous.
And where can I find shirts that will fit me & cover my boobs?! Basically I need to stalk someone who got a boob job and doesnt dress like a porn star. This may be hard to do....

Fatty McFaterson Week 2 Recap

Week 2: Lost 1 lb, worked out 6 days out of 7. Had to take off the day of the ER visit - I was too busy freakin out to work out. Anyways, I also ate well all week except yesterday we had taco bell. But I just ate 3 tacos because I was starving and stressed from the stupid visit to the Apple Store.
So anyways - that leaves me with 5 more lbs to lose and only 3 weeks to do it in. Our FLA trip got moved up slightly. So I may have to re-assess my goals. I will be happy if I lose 3 lbs in the next 3 weeks. Its hard as hell to get this weight off. Ugh.

worst mother ever award

Goes to me today! Yea, so my baby fell on her head this morning. WHaaa?! Yea, you heard me. How much do I suck?
So its like 6:15 am I stumble into her room to nurse her. I change her diaper quick & then lay her on my lap while Im sitting in the glider. I then let go of her (bad idea!) to get my boob out for her. Thats when she decided to use her very strong legs to push off my stomach and push herself right onto the ground. headfirst. I pretty sure I had a heart attack and lost about 5 years off my life. I screamed for Ryan. Bristol started screaming immediately (which turns out was a good thing) and I immediately stuck her on my boob to nurse which immediately calmed her down. Now what?! Hysteria new mom panic sets in and I text Lara to ask what do I do? I dont bothering calling the pediatrician since I know Ill just get a recording and I demand we take her straight to ER. Despite Ryan trying to explain that babies bounce or fall a lot or something, that I dont want to hear, we get her in the car and off to the ER.
Less than an hour later, we are on our way out of the ER because she is perfectly fine according to the doctor & nurses. The doctor was literally with her for 3 minutes, but assured us this happens & she is fine. But this shouldn't happen to my baby!
So I've spent the rest of the day feeling like total & complete crap & staring at her head trying to figure out if it is mishapen or lumpy. I suck.
Bristol, if you ever read this, you can probably make me feel guilty enough to buy you whatever you want....

Fatty McFaterson

One week down! Offical weigh-in this morning & I am down 2 lbs!
Six more lbs to go & 4.5 weeks to do it in. I worked out 6 of the past 7 days. I took off the day after Bristol was up all night screaming from her vaccines because I was just plain exhausted. I have been alternating going on the elliptical and doing a workout video on FitTV on ONdemand. That way I dont get too bored. Im also doing abs everyday. I did just this ab routine by jillian michaels the one day and had very sore abs the next day, it was great. I also like doing the jillian michaels biggest loser workouts because the people in them are generally fat & it makes me feel better about myself!
I also ate pretty healthy this week. Im back to an apple & yogurt a day rule. It sucks. Have I mentioned how much I hate yogurt? So basically Ive been eating frosted mini wheats for breakfast, turkey & swiss sandwich for lunch, apple & yogurt for snack & a healthy dinner. Pretty boring, but oh well.

A post of pictures...

Bristol seems to be starting to feel a little better. There has been a lot of this: the past couple days. It's so sad, but yes I still snapped a picture with my blackberry. Called the pediatrician again yesterday (this time they were open) & re-explained what was going on. They reiterated that they thought it was a reaction to the rotavirus vaccine and they would put a note in my chart and it would most likely last about 72 hrs. Hopefully we are on the downside of that now. I'd also like to point out that the reason why the side effect rate is so low is because very rarely does a doctor call & report the side effect to the FDA like they are supposed. So yes, I will be THAT person today & take it upon myself to look up the info on the vaccine & call & report side effect. Its BS that drug companies get away with these low side effect profiles. BTW - thank you unnamed pharma company for paying me soo abundantly for 5 years to push drugs. I take that back, I never really pushed the drugs. Guess thats why I got fired. Ohwells!
This is what you get when you wake up and Mama tries to take your photo with too bright of a flash! Good Morning everyone!

And here is more precious smiles! Smiles are great. However, smiles not soo great at 3:15 am (like today for example), but its still a hell of a lot better than screaming at 3 am.
And finally this is what you get when you feed Daddy & Baby too much for dinner! Daddy had a meatball coma & Bristol had a milk coma.

It's POISON!!

Seriously, why must we inject our babies with poison!? I cant take it. Im not a hippy, crunchy freak I swear. I just dont get how I give birth to a pure, innocent little baby and the stupid (ahem democratic) government REQUIRES me to inject my baby with crap! Why cant I have the choice of what I think is best for her? Its ridiculous I tell ya.
So on Tue she got two vaccines (after fighting with the doctor who wanted to giver her SEVEN, yes I said seven vaccines at once to a two month old, actually correction, they tried to give these to her at 6 weeks and some of them just hours after her birth). Of course she has a bad reaction to the rotavirus vaccine. She was up all that night and spitting up all the next day. And when I say spitting up, I mean spitting up 10-12 times after a feeding up until the next feeding. And she was screaming while spitting up. I called the pediatrician at 2 pm on a Wed (day after vaccines) -- they were freakin closed! Are you kidding me?! I remember interviewing them and asking for their office hours and they said they were open every day! LIARS!!! And the on-call number is to a completely DIFFERENT doctor's office. Yup, another doctor's office that has no idea who I am, has no chart to reference, NADA! Yea, thats helpful. And of course I get freakin recording when I call them. Nurse finally calls me back and says it sounds like she is having an adverse reaction to the rotavirus vaccine. **flashback to day before when I ask the nurse giving the vaccine what the side effects are and she and I quote says "oh, we dont hear about any side effects anymore". I knew she was an idiot right then since I had obviously researched all of this since I came up with my own vaccination schedule.** Fucking Moron. Anyways, new nurse says she'll talk to doctor and then call me back. Calls back & says yup reaction to rotavirus vaccine. Then get this, they tell me to give her pedialyte in her bottle after I explicitly state that she is exclusively breastfed. What the heck is wrong with these idiots?! Not only does she obviously not get fed with a bottle, but breastmilk is considered a clear liquid and recommended when babies have a stomach virus (although formula is not) and to NOT give pedialyte. Bad advice round 230498! I swear if you dont completely educate yourself you would listen to these idiots. So I hung up and just continued to nurse her and keep an eye on her wet diapers. She wouldnt go to sleep last night and was still crying a lot. Ryan finally got her to sleep in her swing & just left her there. Im hoping she feels better today. But what a freaking day. BTW - the rotavirus is basically like the stomach flu - causing vomitting & diarrhea. The rotavirus vaccine is an oral vaccine and includes the LIVE virus, so there is a greater chance your baby will get sick from this.
Now back to my original point -- why must all these drugs be pushed on us. Yes, I can understand their place & benefit, but why isnt it my choice?! I would agree to most of them, but on my OWN TIME schedule. Why cant I wait until she is a little older. How can you tell when a two month old is in pain or sick? You cant. They cant communicate that to you. If my baby is not going to be in daycare and is breastfed so thus getting my immunities, why does she need to be shot up at birth?! She is perfectly protected right now.
BTW - I am on the search for a new pediatrician. Although so far it has been quite difficult. Doylestown doctors apparently pride themselves on shooting up kids 100%. Ughh.

Another reason I dont like doctors...

The damage:

Thats her poor, cute little chubby thigh with a BLOODY bandaid. Mean nurse who stuck my poor little defenseless baby with a needle!! It was very traumatic for the both of us.
But back to my original point about why Im not a fan of doctors. At her 6 wk appt, they tried to give her SIX vaccines after I called prior to the appt to make sure that it wasnt for shots because I didnt want her to have any. But alas, we show up for appt and they try to give her the shots. So then we spent her 6 wk appt going over a vaccination schedule that I was somewhat okay with. To be honest, I really have doubts about any of these vaccines and if the school district didnt make it mandatory I wouldnt get any of them -- and btw its ridiculous that the government tells me that I have to shoot my daughter up with drugs. But I digress..
Okay so today at her two month appt, she was supposed to get ONE shot (which was the pnuemococcal vaccine) and one oral vaccine (which is the rotavirus vaccine). At the 6 wk appt, I had AGAIN declined the Hep B vaccine (which I had already signed & declined at her birth) & signed the waiver and set up this schedule. So we show up and they gave me a copy of the bill ahead of time, which was the only reason I caught that they had her schedule for a whole slew of vaccines. UGH. Here we go again. So I re-explain all of this to the nurse AGAIN. She claims to be getting everything ready. Then she comes & gets me and puts me on the phone with the pediatrician who again tries to get me to give her multiple shots. I again refuse & explain the schedule we had previously discussed, then he has to get back on the phone with the nurse to tell her what to give. But WTF -- we had already one over this & he had supposedly wrote it down in her chart. BTW - I checked her chart and he had somewhat wrote it down, but reversed it. Seriously, how on top of this do I need to be?! If I hadnt double checked everything, they would have gone ahead and stuck her with a million things. I was seriously annoyed.
So the oral vaccine wasnt bad, but of course she screamed bloody murder with the shot. I decided to sit in the room and nurse her for a few minutes to get her to calm down, which seemed to work well. Then we nursed again when we got home and she seems to be fine.

Two months in Recap

In some ways I cant believe two months with Bristol have flown by so quickly. On the other hand, I vaguely remember the sleepless nights, the hellacious pain and frustration of the first 3 weeks or so and thinking will this ever get better....?
Oh yes, I am blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby girl. And I cant be more thankful than that. But let me tell you, those first few weeks are tough. Things did get better - thank the good lord. Im sure those memories will fade even further to the point where Ill be thinking...yah I can do it again. But let's recap, shall we?
The first two weeks are marked with a lot of pain - healing pain from the numerous stitches I had to endure (yah let's remember I got those stitches without any pain meds, damn that hurt). Oh & at 3 weeks post partum check up, I was told I had torn out some of my stitches which is probably why I had so much pain. Oh joy, that was fun. The pain of breastfeeding -- Im pretty sure for the first two weeks or so I nursed her with tears streaming down my face at every feeding. I'd also like to point out that I didnt shed a single tear during labor, thats how much this hurt. It was a great mix of struggling with my body to recover so I felt up to taking care of Bristol. What got me through you ask? Well, there is this song... "you're goin to miss this" by trace atkins. Well, I kept saying that to myself. Im going to miss her being so tiny & squished up so I better suck it the heck up and enjoy it while it was there. And its true - you do miss it. She grows soo fast and its gone all too soon.
There was the week of mastitis or as I fondly remember it - the week of hell on earth. I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy! It was weeks of no sleep. What they forget to tell you is that if you decide to exclusively breastfeeding, you are the ONLY one that can get up in the night to feed her. Yah, thats fun. Im sure Ryan liked it because he really enjoyed his sleep. I remember nights stumbling back to bed to hear him snoring and I came ::this close:: to just throwing something at him to wake him the heck up! How much do you sleep in the begining you ask? Well, not much - she would eat every 2-3 hrs (if we were lucky), so if she ate for 30 min and then it would typically take another 30 min to get her to go back to sleep. That left a window of 1-2 hrs of sleep. But at this point you are so exhausted & wound up with anxiety that you pretty much don't sleep. But just remember, its worth it.
Week 3 I refer to as the awakening. The first two weeks are hard, but she mostly sleeps, eats, poops. After 3-4 weeks, she kind of woke up. This led to about 2 weeks of screaming awake time. It wasnt until around week 6 that she discovered 'happy awake time'. Happy awake time is great by the way, because she isnt screaming!
And then we have her first smile. The smile makes everything even more worthwhile. Here we are at two months and in the morning I am greeted with a smile, a huge stretch and typically a small fart thrown in for good measure. But I'll take it any day over a crying baby. At this point, she pretty much knows that I = boob = milk. She smiles a lot for Ryan, but I think when she sees me she just thinks milk still. Hopefully, one day that'll change.
So here we are at two months, the pain becoming a distant memory as well as the completely sleepless nights. We aren't consistently sleeping through the night yet, but getting up one time is soo much better than 4 times! Be thankful for what you can get in my opinion.
How does she sleep? - Well, we start with tubby time -- which for some reason calms her right down. She could be screaming bloody murder & throw her in the warm tub and she will just stop. After tubby time, she gets on her sleep gown and I nurse her for a long time. Then we swaddle TIGHTLY with the miracle blanket & nurse a little more. Then she goes down with the sound machine playing sounds of the ocean (with light projector thingy on) and the ipod playing willie nelson lullabies. Apparently babies like noise. Put her in a quiet room and she will immediately wake up.

the struggles of the fat girl....

Day 2 of working out.I have done 20 min on the elliptical plus abs both yesterday & today. Today I kicked it up a notch to the "intermediate" program on the elliptical. It seemed a lot harder than beginner II. And Im tired. I'd also like to add that working out while breastfeeding is a lot harder than you think. You need to wear like 3 bras piled on top of each other and its still not exactly what I would call comfortable. But more on that later....
Here are some pics from this morning. In my defense, I had Just eaten breakfast prior to taking this. Other than that I have no excuses for my fat ass. Also, I am posting these to embarass myself into continuing to work out & because I dont think I look too bad in the mirror, but somehow in pics I look awful. For your amusement:

This is exactly 2 months post partum. And for anyone who wants to say its not that bad -- I basically looked like this at 4-5 weeks post partum and have remained the same since then. So that is really bugging me.
So here is my goal:
Lose 8 lbs by my trip to Florida, which is in exactly 5.5 weeks. I dont think that is too unreasonable. I must also work out Atleast 5 days a week and eat healthier. (dont worry all the christmas cookies have been given away at this point).
Now Im tired and need to chug a bottle of water.
Adios...