Thursday, December 31, 2009

Let's talk about my fat ass...

Exhibit A:

Not sure if I could look any WIDER!! Holy bajesus. I swore to myself that I would be at my pre-pregnancy weight by christmas. I forgot to weigh myself on Christmas, but the day after I weighed in at exactly my pre-pregnancy weight! Yah for me. Boo for my huge fat ass. WTF?! How can I look so horrible still? Yes those are my 'regular' jeans and they are obviously still way too tight. My fat jeans are pretty baggy at this point though and I pretty much look like a slub ( a slub is worse than a slob). Im refusing to buy new clothes until I look better or better yet, just fit into my old clothes. Okay, I will deserve some new shirts since my new huge boobs wont fit into much these days.
My husband who wins the award for worst gift giver of all time got me THREE pairs of sweatpants (yah because one wasnt enough) from various stores where the clothes are made for 16 yr old girls in size small. Of course none of them fit me. Im pretty sure he just likes going in these stores to get help from the 17 yr old whores that tend to work there. This led us to have to go return them and for the stupid young whore to ask me if I would like to exchange them for something. She was slightly taken aback when I explained that I wasnt a 17 yr old whore anymore and therefore refused to shop in said store. I hate skinny people right now.
Tomorrow starts the exercising & dieting. I have no problem cutting my calories down and working out til I pass out to look better -- I find this picture especially motivating. My problem is constantly worrying about my milk supply dropping from losing too quickly. So Im faced with the dilemna of trying to drop some weight more slowly for this not to happen. Ugh. And my other problem is how much do I have to lose? I fit into my clothes when I weighed this much before, however apparently my ass didnt get this memo.
Tomorrow I will take some serious photos and since no one is paying much attention to me, I might even post them.
Now let's discuss my how old and tired I look. okay not much of a discussion, but jeez I look like crap....
And Bristol, you owe your Mama big time for ruining my body like this!

Bristol's 1st Christmas





Bristol looked cute as a button of course. Her Christmas was wonderful and she got to visit with so many of her aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. It was an action packed 3 days of celebrating and WAY too much eating.

Bristol was obviously a good girl and Santa brought her lots of presents:
She cant wait to play with everything. Bristol decided to give her very tired parents the best chrismas gift of all -- sleeping through the night!!! Not sure if itll continue, but we will take & be thankful for what we can get!








Monday, December 21, 2009

Is anyone reading this??

So I abandoned my blog for 6-7 weeks. I was busy taking care of a newborn, I swear that is a good excuse. Here I am....exactly 7 weeks ago I looked like this:

I realized that with all the going into labor that day, I never got around to posting my 40 wk pic. If I wasnt so darn lazy right now and trying not to hurry so much before Bristol decides to wake up again, then I would post a current pic. Today we had slight success.. What you ask?
Well, after sweating unprettily to Jillian Michaels 30 day shred, step #2 (because really i can skip step #1 right? Im not that fat) and feeling quite defeated, I showered and then thought...do I dare reach into my vast stack of loved blue jeans that have gathered dust for the past year? Yes, I have been wearing my fat jeans since 2 weeks post partum. Before that I was living in sweats & pj pants. I REFUSE to wear anything maternity if Im not actually pregnant. Its just a rule I made to drive myself nuts. So I grab my favorite Size 4s and pull them on and suck it in and zip & button them!! Success. Okay, dont look in the mirror, because I have a serious muffintop going on, but good lord they button! I wouldnt be caught in public with them on and hate wearing things tight, but small steps. It started last week when I finally got measured for a new nursing bra & was happy to find that my ribcage had de-swelled back down to my normal size 34 (vs 36). The DDD/E/F cup size is apparently here to stay for a while though. What the heck is up with that size anyways? Apparently all those letters are the same thing depending on the manufacturer...but I digress... Baby steps, but Ill take them none the less.
I have been working out everyday for the past week - 20 min on the ellipitcal or a workout routine on ONDemand (which rocks by the way) plus atleast 200 various situps. Because seriously, my stomach may be pretty much flat looking, but not so toned at this point.
Im tired of tight pants and tight shirts and tight things in general. They suck. I hate feeling uncomfortable in my own clothes. And I really dont want to buy new clothes.
Yes, I realize this post is all about me. Dont worry, Bristol will get her own post.
She is currently in her swing. The two hours she spends in her swing each morning while I work out, shower, pump, eat breakfast & attempt to squeeze in some work before she wakes up. Its usually a blissful two hours where I dont stop moving for a single second-- however, it doesnt happen everyday. Sometimes she decides she hates her swing. Just like some night she decides she doesnt want to sleep.
This morning I thought she smiled at me, but then she let out a huge fart. Ehh, what are you goin to do?

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Our Birth Story

Bristol Morgan was born on November 3, 2009 at 10:46 am. Obviously aware of her Mama's disdain for those that are tardy, she came on her due date and just 4 minutes prior to what was my scheduled 40 wk appt with my midwife. She weighed in at 8 lbs, 3 oz & 20 inches long and is just perfection.

Things really began the Saturday prior to her arrival (Oct 31st). I began having the "real" contractions, although quite randomly. I had always thought she would come that weekend, but the contractions just continued sporadically. Sunday night into Monday morning (Nov 1st & Nov 2nd), I was awaken a few times with contractions and Monday morning they began to get somewhat regular. I went for my weekly massage & chiropractic adjustment and had a few more contractions while I was there. I then headed in to work. Contractions continued and varied from 10 min apart to 40 min apart throught the entire day. I went for my still daily walk at lunch time and cut out from work slightly early to head to my acupuncture appointment. My appt was at 330 pm and my acupuncturist told me I would have this baby by noon tomorrow (Tue, Nov 3rd) -- I wasnt soo convinced, but as she wiggled the needles in the pressure points, each time I would have a contraction. By the time I got home around 5 pm, I was having regular, timeable contractions at 10 min apart.
I decided I should eat and made myself a roasted chicken sandwich and waited for Ryan to come home from work. I dont think Ryan really believed me when I told him about the contractions. They continued through the evening between 8-10 min apart. I tried to lay down and go to sleep, but they were too painful to handle when laying down. I took a good shower and then went downstairs. Ryan went off to bed without me and I told him if they kept up we would be heading to the hospital. He then slept blissfully unaware while I labored downstairs all through the night. By midnight, the contractions were about 5-6 min apart. I could only handle them by walking around - so I literally paced around the downstairs of our house all night with 4 little dogs following me wondering what was going on. I could sit down inbetween contractions, but when I felt one coming I would have to get up again. I was at the point where I had to stop at the peak of the contraction and lean & sway & breathe to get through them. By around 2 am, they were about 4 min apart. I was told to call my midwife when they were 5 min apart for an hour, but she said I could wait longer if I felt okay since I wanted to labor at home as long as possible. I was having very strong contractions every 3-4 minutes and smaller contractions inbetween that werent nearly as bad. By 3:30 am (Tue, Nov 3rd) I began feeling very restless and the need to go to the hospital. I decided to take another shower & then I would call Joanne (my midwife). While I was in the shower, Ryan woke up and came to check on me. I told him to finish packing and get ready. He still didnt believe and kept questioning me if I was sure we needed to go. I think we were both nervous about getting to the hospital "too soon" and me not having much progress. At my last appt at 39 wks, I was only 1 cm & 70% effaced. So I had a lot more to go. I really felt restless though and I made the call to Joanne around 4 am. She seemed skeptical as well since I was so calm, but she told me to make my way to the hospital and she would meet me there.
I finished packing and getting dressed and we got to the hospital around 5 am. I had 3 strong contractions on the 6 min drive to the Hospital and made Ryan stop the truck during them since the bouncing of the big truck was not conducive to me coping with the pain. When we arrived, I started to get nervous because my contractions seemed to slow, which they said is normal. My midwife checked me right away & Ryan & I were both surprised & pleased to learn I was already 5 cm & 100% effaced. We were going to have a baby today!! We both called our parents quickly. They popped me on the monitor for 15 minutes to make sure the baby looked good & she did. So I was allowed to be removed from the monitor and labor as I wished. We mostly made what felt like a million laps around the maternity floor. At the peak of the contractions, we would stop and I would lean on Ryan like you used to slow dance in middle school & he would rub my low back and I would breathe. We did this for a couple hours and every 1-2 hrs, the nurse would hold the monitor to my belly for a few minutes to check the baby. My nurse was wonderful and she allowed me to stand during this and not get back in bed, since the pain was much harder to handle laying down. I tried to embrace the pain and realize that its my cervix opening so that I could meet my baby soon. It worked well for me. At some point, I wanted to get in the shower. The water really helps with the pain. Unfortunately, the shower was soo small, so Ryan couldnt get in there with me. But I probably stayed in there laboring for atleast an hour. Ryan would keep bringing me water & snacks since I did not want an IV.
After I got out of the shower (probably around 830 am), the nurse suggested I try the jacuzzi tub. I was apprehensive since laying down was so hard on me, but thought the water might help. After being in the tub for a few minutes, I had a huge contraction and felt a big POP! My water had broke. This was at 9 am. Ryan went and got the nurse and she said I could stay in the tub, but she would call my midwife since things would probably go fast now. I had one more contraction in the tub and decided I wanted to get out since the pain was not as manageable laying down like I had thought.
We made our way back to our room where they checked the baby again (she was still doing great!). Then Joanne had me lay down so she could check me. I was just over 9 cm! Ryan and I were so shocked and excited that I was almost there already. Joanne said I just had a little lip of cervix left on the right and she had me lay on my right side to try and get me fully dialated. I was now in transition and the contractions were at their highest. On the monitor, they were off the chart and lasting much longer and not much rest inbetween. I had to take it one contraction at a time and it was very difficult laying down. I finally got up and asked to sit on the toilet. I peed one last time and then got back in bed & it was time to push!
I started pushing around 10:15 am on Nov 3rd. In the beginning, I wasnt pushing effectively because I was letting air out while pushing. I was sooo tired. I had been up for so long and not only awake, but constantly walking. I remember my legs shaking and I couldnt hold them up myself, but Ryan & the nurse were there to help me. I pushed for about 30 minutes, but at my own pace. I could feel the contractions build and the urge to push and I would let everyone know when it was coming. I just listened to my body. I remember her crowning and everyone telling me they could see all her hair. I remember being asked if I wanted to reach down and touch her head, but I said no. I didnt want to put a visual to all the pain I was feeling!
At 10:46 am, Bristol Morgan was born. She was perfectly healthy & beautiful & very pink. She was placed on my chest and we dried her off. I remember her grabbing my finger. Her apgars were 9 and then a perfect 10 at 5 minutes. I have never seen Ryan so happy in all my life. Of course he cried. I was exhausted, but I had my perfect little girl.
We cleaned her off on my chest and I was allowed to keep her for almost 2 hours before they took her for her bath. I do remember being stitched up and that probably hurt the worse since I still didnt have any pain meds. Apparently, I started losing a lot of blood so they clamped her cord & had Ryan cut it and started me on pitocin to get my uterus to clamp down. I then nursed her for 20 min on each side within an hour of her birth. It was truly amazing.
Bristol was then taken to get her bath and get checked out. Ryan went with her per our birth plan. Thats when they tried to get me up and I apparently passed out in the bathroom with the nurses. I just remember the nurse grabbing me and pulling the emergency cord to get more help. I had lost a lot of blood and my bladder was too full and pushing on my uterus preventing it from contracting back like it was supposed to. They got me back in bed and eventually after threatening to cath me, I was able to pee & get back in bed. I remember being very exahusted and shaking and weak and just wanting to hold my baby.
Then Ryan was back with Bristol and he held her next to me since I didnt have the strength too.
Throughout everything, Ryan was my strength and support & I couldnt have done this without him. Bristol's birth was amazing and I wouldnt change a thing. Im so thankful to have a beautiful, healthy baby.

Our Birth Plan

a little late..but here it is:

Parents: Lindsay & Ryan Hegna
Pediatrician: Dr Rinaldi, 215-345-1122

To our nursing staff:
Thank you so much for taking our birth preferences below into consideration. We are so excited to be expecting our baby girl, Bristol Morgan! We've taken great care over the past nine months to have a very healthy pregnancy, and we wish to have a birth that's as free of interventions as possible.
Of course, we realize that I've never done this before, and also that life often doesn't go quite as planned. We defer to the experts when it comes to getting our baby here safely, but we'd like to be kept involved in all decisions along the way.

Preferences for Labor and Birth:
During Labor
- Please do not offer an epidural or anesthetics. If I decide to get one, I will ask for it.
- I prefer intermittent fetal monitoring to constant fetal monitoring, so that I can move around as freely as possible.
- I do not wish to have an IV hooked up to me unless I need it.
- I wish to have the freedom to labor however is most comfortable – in the shower, in the bed, walking around, on the birthing ball, on the toilet, in the whirlpool tub if available.
- I do not want Pitocin to be administered and I'd prefer not to have my bag of waters broken unless it's deemed necessary.
Pushing
- I'd like to be able to push spontaneously and in any position that seems to be the most effective.
- I'd like to avoid an episiotomy unless it's absolutely necessary as determined by my midwife
Birth and Post-Birth
- I'd like her put on my chest immediately after she's born. Please clean her off and suction her while she's still on my chest. I would like skin to skin contact for the first hour or two after birth if her health permits.
- I'd like to delay the cutting of the cord until it stops pulsating & Ryan would like to cut the cord.
- I would like to immediately try breastfeeding.
- I wish to delay any treatment that can be delayed so that I can have as much bonding time with baby immediately after birth if possible
- I would like our baby to room in with us after delivery
Baby Care
- I would like my daughter to be bathed & examined in my presence. If my daughter must be taken from me for medical treatment or to the nursery, I would like my husband Ryan to remain with her at all times (viewing window at nursery)
- Please do not offer any bottles or pacifiers, as I will be exclusively breastfeeding.
- We wish to decline the Hepatitis B shot & erythromycin eye ointment

Thank you so much for all your support during our daughter’s birth