A Pregnant Lady's Morning

1. Wake up & try to sit up. Realize you cant sit up because the belly is interfering. Roll on side & sit up by pushing up on hands like an old person. Wonder if they make cranes to help pregnant people get out of bed.
2. Realize you are about to pee yourself. Try to stand up. Listen to every joint in your body crack & moan loudly for full effect.
3. Grab your sore back & try to stretch, but realize you cant because this induces pains in your belly. Grab belly instead.
4. Waddle into bathroom
5. Sit down to pee & realize you really didnt have to pee that badly, it was just the baby kicking at your bladder again.
6. Go to brush teeth
7. Drop toothbrush as you are horrified to see what appears to be your first stretch marks on your belly in mirror. Examine marks like a crazed animal by climbing up on counter to get closer to the mirror. Rub furiously at said marks. Slowly calm down because its just skin creases from sleeping on the bed sheet wrinkles. Phewww one more day without stretch marks.
8. Grap cocoa butter with Vitamin E & begin slathering it all over your middle until you feel like a greased pig.
9. Pick toothbrush back up & brush teeth.
10. Spit out mouth full of blood (because pregnancy makes your gums bleed like a faucet)
11. Wash face
12. Blow nose full of blood (because pregnancy gives you a bloody nose too!)
13. Examine size of belly in mirror. Refuse to look at your fat ass in mirror.
14. Go put underwear on. Wonder why sides of underwear are cutting into you. Walk by mirror & realize no pregnant woman should be allowed to wear a thong. Hold your resolve to not give into buying granny panties for one more week.
15. Waddle over to scale. Hold breath before stepping on (you rationalize this makes you lighter). Stare horrified at number. Quickly step off. Remove underwear. Step back on. Gasp horrified again. Run to pregnancy book & weight chart. Carefully record weigh & triple check that you're not anywhere near the high end of the range. Breathe a sigh of relief.
16. Time to get dressed - waddle over to closet. Find bra. Wonder why bra doesnt fit you (again!), mentally ponder where you can buy a bra big enough to fit you since your go-to Victoria's Secret stops making bras at a DD and apparently you've surpassed that. Pat yourself on the back because obviously those pounds you gained went straight to your boobs & not your ass (its ok to lie to yourself)
17. Stare at racks of clothes & try not to break down crying that none of them fit you. Mentally debate wearing nothing & laying on the floor of the closet all day in a depressive sobbing state. Choose outfit from the one of 5 things left that actually fit you.
18. Turn around in front of the mirror atleast 349 times debating if you look fat or pregnant.
19. When husband shows up, ask him if he thinks you've gotten bigger. His response that you look a lot bigger is not taken well. Break down sobbing that you're a fat beached whale with thunder thighs. Husband looks perplexed & assures you that you look smaller. Break down crying that your baby is starving since you're smaller & fall into hysterics again. Husband becomes more perplexed and decides to just ignore your crazy ass.
20. Pick yourself up off of floor & waddle downstairs.
21. Pour yourself a bowl of fiber-enriched cereal while daydreaming of eating yummy bacon, egg, & cheese biscuits & donuts instead.

How far along are you?

The age old question that you will hear approximately 213043904 times while you are pregnant. This is not an easy question to answer! To people who have never been pregnant - a pregnancy is 9 months long. Well let me show you how this gets confusing -- pregnancy is actually 40 weeks long, which may or may not technically be 9 months. See a month isnt exactly 4 weeks long, although most of us think that way for some reason. So here we go - ask me how far along I am -- I'm 22 weeks. Well, how many months is that? Uhmmm (22 wks divided by 4 wks/month) = 5 1/2 months. Okay, so you have 3 1/2 months left? But you're due Nov 2nd, which is 4 months away. See are you confused yet?!!
Then it gets real confusing because instead of referring to someone as how much they have completed, its really about what month you are "in". Yes, I know this makes no sense and quite obviously was made up by some guy who was never pregnant. So I found this chart to help us all be less confused.
Wks 1-4 = You're in your 1st month, this is Month #1, 1st Trimester

Wks 5-8 = You're in your 2nd month, This is Month #2, 1st Trimester

Wks 9-13 = You're in your 3rd month, This is Month #3, 1st Trimester

Wks 14-17 = You're in your 4th month, This is Month #4, 2nd Trimester

Wks 18-21 = You're in your 5th month, This is Month #5, 2nd Trimester

Wks 22-26 = You're in your 6th month, This is Month #6, 2nd Trimester

Wks 27-30 = You're in your 7th month, This is Month #7, 3rd Trimester

Wks 31-35= You're in your 8th month, This is Month #8, 3rd Trimester

Wks 36-40= You're in your 9th month, This is Month #9, 3rd Trimester

And for all lucky ladies who are pregnant longer than 40 months - just call yourself a beached whale, because they dont give ya a classification apparently!

So if you're still reading because you're a weird numbers person like me,

I am supposedly 6 months pregnant @ 22 weeks.

Here's me:

So the real question is, do I look pregnant yet?! Its still somewhat debatable, but my belly is definately popping out at this point.

The scale was also quite nice to me this week & after gaining a pound a week for the last 8 weeks, I stayed the same this week! Yes, Im one of those anal people who weigh themselves everyday.

i love baby socks

We got these on our recent trip to Va
How cute are these?! They look like little cowgirl boots (i got a whole box in various colors)!!

Baby socks are seriously adorable. Seriously. The kid might not have any clothes, but she'll have warm feetsies. Have you seen these things called baby legs?! Freakin adorable (seriously google that)! Im pretty sure they serve no actual purpose, but they're cute as a button.

21 Weeks (+1 day)

Our dogs are obvious scene-stealers....

And quite obviously Ryan's spawn is determined to make me look like I ate way too many twinkies for atleast another week....(p.s. white is not slimming)
Obviously this quote is somewhat true:
"Even during gestation, girl babies are determined to ruin your figure so that they can be prettier than you."

The unnamed baby is now about 10.5" long & weighing in at about 12-13 ounces. Supposedly she will Really be packing on the weight over the next 4 weeks - does this mean I will be too?! Lord help me.

No, the baby still doesnt have a name. I have taken to calling her "unnamed baby" in hopes of guilting Ryan in to picking a name -- its not really working to be honest. Yes, ryan is in charge of coming up with a name. Yea, I know you're shaking your head right now. Ryan has a few commitment issues, so we're hoping that the baby has a name by the time she is like two or maybe she'll have had like 23490 names by then. Who knows.

How far along? 21 weeks, 1 day (because everyday counts ok!)
Total weight gain: up 8 lbs (gulp)
Maternity clothes?Pretty much - although they're not doing much for the whole make me look pregnant vs just plain fat thing going on
Stretch Marks? Not yet
Sleep? Just okay
Movement: Nothing consistent still, but definately feeling her
Food cravings: Last night after yoga, I really wanted a cheeseteak, chicken nuggets, hamburger & ice cream cone - like right then. I settled for 5 piece nuggets from the dollar menu at wendys. I will still starving, but burnt my mouth so bad shoving them in my face that I didnt want to eat anymore.
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: my flat stomach (will you ever come back to me?!)
What I am looking forward to: feeling more movement & getting fatter (note sarcasm)
Weekly Wisdom: I got nothin'
Milestones: uhmm more than half way done (we hope!)

Its a GIRL!!!

I almost feel like posting "its NOT a boy" because every freakin person thought it was a boy and when we went to tell people everyone was like 'its a boy, right?!' and we're all like No. Its a girl.

So the shock is wearing off since we too thought it was a boy. But 2.1 seconds into the ultrasound it was quite apparent it was a girl, even before the tech told us anything.

So here are the pics (but they're not very good)

I will feel much better tomorrow when we should get the report from the ultrasound at my midwife appointment & know that everything is alright & she is healthy.

In the meantime I am left to panic with the following thoughts:

1. our daughter will be deprived of anything pink due to my disdain of the color

2. our daughter will be forced to do back breaking man chores on the farm because, well, someone's got to do it

3. our daughter will have horrible hair. Have you seen my hair? I havent done my hair EVER in my life. I have never had a hairstyle. I have no clue how to do hair? what the heck am I going to do?!

4. some people might think our daughter is a boy since I will be sure to dress in her in blue as a baby. maybe i will find blue dresses & then it will be more obvious.

5. our daughter has no name since ryan was left in charge of this

on the positive side....our daughter will be sure to kick ass, because well, she is my daughter.

HALF WAY THERE!! 20 Weeks!!

My eyes are closed because Im laughing that Ruger really wants me to pick him up while Im getting my picture taken.
Baby is the size of a Cantaloupe -- over 10 ounces!!

How far along? 20 weeks
Total weight gain: up 7 lbs
Maternity clothes? Oh yes, my vast unattractive wardrobe now consists of 3 sundresses, 5 shirts, one pair of jeans & one pair of jean shorts. Sweet! After much, much searching I found thee shortest pair of maternity jeans online...they have a 3.5" inseam....the best I could do. The wash is a bit light, but beggers cant be choosers at this point.
Stretch marks? Not yet
Sleep? Ok except last night apparently I fell out of bed somehow, Ryan claimed he saved me. I dont really remember this except my knee is very sore this morning & I remember waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing...
Movement: I think Im finally starting to feel little kicks & flips - especially yesterday after the lemon meringue pie
Food cravings: I like food. I just ate a cupcake. It was yum.
Gender: I totally know but am waiting for Ryan to tell his family first....
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: my flat stomach
What I am looking forward to: feeling more movement
Weekly Wisdom: Just go ahead & tell people you're pregnant so that they stop looking at you like you ate too many twinkies.
Milestones: Half way done!!

Do we dare wear short shorts....?

So shoppping for maternity clothes pretty much sucks. Basically you get 4 size choices (S, M, L & XL) -- this doesnt offer a lot of customization. Then you either get to pick from either tent like dresses & shirts to jeans that constantly fall down & tank tops with rouched sides. Did I mention that the vast majority of shirts have sleeves -- this doesnt make a whole lot of sense to me since its freaking hot being pregnant. I want tank tops damnit. Im guessing this is because pregnant women are subject to those oh so hot "fat arms" - but really I dont care. Ok, I care if my arms get fat, but I would still wear a freakin tank top. Let's move on to shorts....apparently you have limited options here as well - most are capris. Well, capris are basically like wearing jeans in my opinion and are also too hot. Then we move up to those bermuda shorts - listen, my huge hips (which Im hoping I become thankful for when trying to get this baby out of me) have never looked good in bermudas and add in the current fatness, it definately isnt happening.
Then we have the dreaded regular shorts with the FIVE to seven inch inseam. UHM What the heck is that about?! Why do I need to wear shorts that come down to my mid-thigh? So I was shopping in like the fourth & final store I could find that actually sold maternity clothes & was whining to the sales girl about the lack of shorter shorts....then I was like "I mean seriously these are like Mom shorts or something" And then the sales girl chuckled. And then it hit me.....I'M GOING TO BE SOMEONE'S MOM! Crap. Please dont make me wear the mom shorts. Please......
The search continues.....

19 Weeks!!

Baby is the size of a Mango:

This says baby is still only 6 inches, but everything else I read says it closer to 10 inches. So its somewhere in that range Im guessing.

That's me. And the white rooster that apparently decided to sneak in the background.

How far along? 19 weeks

Total weight gain: up 6 lbs

Maternity clothes? Finally gave in...mainly for the jeans. Still wearing a mix of tops and dresses.

Stretch marks? Not yet

Sleep? Ok except when those stupid birds start chirping at 5 am

Movement: Nothing confirmed yet, but sometimes I think I feel something -

Food cravings: I like food. Last night I really wanted a cupcake.

Gender: It is what it is....

Labor Signs: No

Belly Button in or out? In

What I miss: my flat stomach

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the sex!

Weekly Wisdom: Just go ahead & tell people you're pregnant so that they stop looking at you like you ate too many twinkies.

Milestones: Half way to full term!!

Broke down & went shopping

Finally bought some maternity clothes yesterday....I think they make me look less fat & more pregnant. Here is me this morning sporting my $62 jeans reduced to just $10 at Kohls (score!).

Sally wanted to be in the picture too. Not much else going on...Ryan is still be non-conducive to helping pick a name. I'm trying my best to get in exercise 5 times a week. So far this week has been:
Mon: Prenantal Yoga class
Tue:Walked an hour at the park with Magnum
Wed: 20 min on elliptical + lifted arms.
Today my stomach just hurts & I dont know if its because its growing or what, but is certainly uncomfortable. And just in case you wondering, I never got my donut - I settled for yogurt instead (which I hate!).

Mmm donuts

I want a donut. Now.

That is all.

18 Weeks!!

Here is me:

Definately can tell a difference this week - although I still just look like that fat girl who ate too much. Dont worry - I didnt actually wear this outfit today - just trying to wear the same thing for the sake of the picture.
Baby is apparently the size of a sweet potato this week - the pic of the sweet potato wasnt very cute, so I decided not to post it. Baby is about 6 inches long & weighs about 7 oz. There is some yucky stuff going on with the skin this week that I really dont want to know about!

How far along? 18 weeks
Total weight gain: up 5-6 lbs
Maternity clothes? Still holding the fight in regular clothes - but I gotta say, my jeans are pretty uncomfy today. I may give in this week to some maternity jeans.
Stretch marks? Not yet
Sleep? Ok - except for my allergies going nuts
Best moment this week? Felt like I had a growth spurt last Fri & eating the cheese fries at Outback last night
Movement: Nothing confirmed yet, but sometimes I think I feel something - like someone lightly poking me from inside or like a goldfish doing a flip flop in my tummy
Food cravings: Food is good. Mostly I dont know what I want. But I do know when Im hungry. Starting to like ice cream again!
Gender: It is what it is....
Labor Signs: No
Belly Button in or out? In
What I miss: my flat stomach
What I am looking forward to: Finding out the sex!
Weekly Wisdom: Husband of a pregnant wife should Never make comments to insinuate that his wife looks fat (no matter if she makes these comments), nor should he implied she has gained too much weight or might gain too much weight, or may not grow some cute tiny bump that she can (and i quote) "wear those little tight tank tops". If you do make such comments, you can be pretty sure you may not make it to see the baby born. tia
Milestones: Starting doing some light weights - squats, curls, etc -- legs very sore.